Know Your Mare
by ForeverTheTorturedRebel
Summary: A parody of the All That sketch, "Know Your Stars", watch me rip the proud citizens of Equestria of their dignity! Who will ever be the same again from this verbal smackdown? Next up: Diamond Tiara!
1. Ch 1: Spike

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I sure as hell do not own My Little Pony, so on with the fic.**

* * *

There seemed to be an empty room where it was nothing but a seat and a huge light hovering towards them. It was none other than the "Know Your Stars" studio and it's first guest was no exception. A mini-dragon known to everyone in Equestria as Spike. He was now looking very psyched.

**_Know Your Mare... Know Your Mare... Know your mare..._**

"Okay, what the heck is that? Are you some kind of stalker?" Spike said, wondering where that voice came from all of a sudden. The announcer echoed once again.

**_Know your mare... know your mare... know your mare..._**

"All right, I don't know who the heck you even are, but you're creeping me out!" Spike said, looking a bit disgusted. The announcer now went on with the facts.

**_Spike... he has a crush on Fluttershy._**

"Um, I'm certain that I don't have a crush on Fluttershy." Spike said as he tried to correct the announcer, "The only one I have a crush on is Rarity. You know, don't get me wrong, Fluttershy is okay, but I love Rarity for her gorgeous purple hair."

**_Nah, Rarity's a lesbian! I know because I heard it from her._**

"What? She is sooooo not a lesbian!" Spike exclaimed out of shock, that soon turned to confusement, "Wait, what is a lesbian?"

**_I'm not telling you who it is._**

"Come on, you're the announcer! I gotta know, man!" Spike said with his hands around his his hoping that he would get some answers from the announcer.

**_Uhhhhh... Spike, he was born in a family of rednecks!_**

"I was so not born in a family of rednecks!" Spike protested a little bit, "I was actually born inside an egg. True story."

**_That's not what I heard._**

"What are you even getting at?" Spike said as he felt annoyed. The Announcer somehow displayed a magazine cover of Spike coming out of a drunken female redneck's hoo-hah. On the subtitles, it said 'Drunken Redneck Parents Give Birth To Dragon'. Spike was just so offended. "Oh, come on, this isn't even really true! This is just so impossible! The woman must be half-dead now! I'm telling you, I was born in an egg! It's actually true. Why don't you just believe me?"

**_Spike... you suck!_**

"What, I don't suck! You're the one who sucks! You suck for making up lies about this crap!" Spike spoke as his anger just rose right at the announcer, "You hear me? Yoooooooou... suuuuuuuck!"

And then there was silence. Not one word was coming out of the announcer.

"Hello? Why aren't you saying anything?" Spike spoke up to the announcer, hoping he'll respond.

_**Because... you suck!**_

"I'm telling you, I don't suck!" Spike cried out as he was just whining and bitching.

_**Now you know... Spike! Remember... he sucks!**_

"No, I don't!" Spike shouted very angrily to the announcer who was backing away from him.

**_Yes, you do!_**

"I do not!" Spike exclaimed as he was about to go on a pouting rage, "I'm telling you, all of this is lies! I'm not in love with fluttershy or was given birth to rednecks! I'm telling you, they smell and have a poor sense of alcohol! Believe me when I say this that all of this is false! Can you even hear me? Hello?"

* * *

**Wow, that really sucks to be Spike right now. Pun taken.**

**Up next, I'm about to do Applejack! Expect the latest chapter soon right after you read and review! BA_FRICKIN'-ZINGA!**


	2. Ch 2: Applejack

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I sure as hell do not own My Little Pony, so on with the fic.**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Applejack  
**

The hat-wearing apple-chucking pony known as Applejack was busy sitting right in the hot seat as she heard the announcer's voice go through her head.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"This is starting to get pretty creepy..." Applejack said to herself as she felt quite a nerve.

_**Applejack... she owns a meth lab.**_

"Um, excuse me, but there's no way I own a meth lab." Applejack replied in correction, "I work at a nice apple farm owned by my Granny Smith. She's kind-hearted and always sticks up for me. And so does Big Mac and Apple Bloom!"

It was until the announcer spoke to her in a sarcastic form.

_**Sure... we'll go with that. After all... I always loved the flavor of apple-scented crack.**_

"You tryin' to be smark?" Applejack said a bit sternly, "I already told you I'm not associated with this drug thing! My life will only be apples! Believe it!"

_**Applejack... she's breaking bad.**_

"What is that supposed ta mean?" Applejack replied with an eyebrow raised, "I never did anything bad. Let alone breaking a rule! I'm pure and clean!"

_**Come on, Applejack. You don't know what breaking bad is?**_

"Quite frankly, darlin'... I don't give a darn!" Applejack said as she crossed her arms, "But if it has something ta do with some sort of meth or cocaine, I'm certain that you've been doing that as far as I'm concerned!"

_**That can't be proven! *snort***_

"Wha? Are you doing cocaine?" Applejack said in a suspicious mood.

_**No... uh, I was almost about to sneeze and I didn't wanna get germs!**_

"Sure didn't look like you were about to sneeze!" Applejack exclaimed silently before the announcer went on with the facts.

_**Applejack... her father is Bryan Cranston!**_

"Uh, no it isn't!" Applejack exclaimed in reaction, "I don't have anything to do with that ol' fart! I was born without a father and I done well without one ever since!"

The announcer just decided to rudely ignore her with what he said.

_**Oh, come on. You gonna say that to your own father? After all, he inherited your meth farm.**_

"I work in a Apple Farm!" Applejack cried out a bit angrily, "I already told ya I don't have nothing to do with pot, crack, cocaine, marijuana, mary jane, ganja, or any of those drugs! I'm not some sort of cokehead, ya hear?"

_**Now you know the daughter of Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston... Applejack!**_

"I don't think so!" Applejack exclaimed out of anger before the camera backed away from her, "Ya get back here now! I ain't done with ya, yet! Ya have exactly no proof that I own a meth farm. And there's no way my father was a old baldin' meth-head! I promise if I find ya, I'm gonna bake ya like a tasty apple fritter! You come back now, I say! Hello?"_**  
**_

* * *

**Heh, who can imagine Applejack taking part in a meth lab? So weird?**

**Next up will be one of my favorites, Rainbow Dash! Until then, read, review and mellow on! WWWYKI!**


	3. Ch 3: Rainbow Dash

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I sure as hell do not own My Little Pony, so on with the fic.**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Rainbow Dash**

The rainbow haired weather pony known as Rainbow Dash was the next pony to take the hot seat in this segment. The announcer now echoed on.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Okay... I'm really getting uncomfortable being here." Rainbow Dash said at the announcer as he felt disturbed to where the voice was coming from.

_**Rainbow Dash... she's a meteorologist for the Weather Channel.  
**_

"I'm certain that I'm not. I'm actually a weather pony." Rainbow Dash said in defense, "You see? Because of my cutie mark that has a cloud and thunder the color of rainbows."

_**What?**_

"My cutie mark, remember?" Applejack said a bit sternly, "The pattern of my thunder is colored like rainbows, remember?"

_**Sorry, I don't buy it. Anyway... Rainbow Dash... She sells her pony body for cash!  
**_

"I don't even know what you mean by that!" Rainbow Dash said in an offended tone, "Sold my body for cash? Let me tell you, I'm not for sale! I will never be for sale?"

_**Don't lie to us, Rainbow Dash. It's okay that we know all about your secret. Don't be afraid to know the truth.**_

"What are you talking about? I'm not lying!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed as her anger was almost about to come out, "Besides, if there's only one liar who's making all of this up and making us look really bad, it has to be you!"

But then, an amounts of 1 dollar bills began falling right through the sky. Rainbow Dash noticed this and replied to the announcer.

"Raining money? Where did all of this come from?" Rainbow Dash replied as she noticed the raining bills in the sky.

_**I got it from under your bed. After all, you know what you'll do for a single buck. Every guy's been there.  
**_

"It's not even mine!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed in defense once again, "I'm telling you, I don't sell my body for cash! Hello?"

_**Rainbow Dash... for a good time, call her!  
**_

"You're definitely not calling me!" Rainbow Dash scowled at the announcer, "In fact, when were done here, I'm gonna find you and rip you to shreds. That's right! I mean it, you wont live when you're alone with Rainbow Dash! You hear me?"

_**Now you know... Rainbow Dash! Her number is 458-2294.  
**_

"Oh, great... now you're telling them my number? That's an invasion of my privacy!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed in anger.

_**Yeah, don't do harm to your body there! Or you might be infected.**_

"How about my fist infects your face?" Rainbow Dash said threatening the announcer as the camera began to back away from the pony, "Hey, where you going? Come back here! You still haven't told me why I would become a meteorologist! The truth is, I haven't even watched the Weather Channel! And what makes you think that I would sell my body for cash? I'm certain you'd do that, but not me! Are you listening to me here? HELLO?"

* * *

**Ouch, something tells me Rainbow Dash isn't taking this very lightly...**

**Up next, we do another one of my favorites, Rarity! Until then, read and review, bronies!**


	4. Ch 4: Rarity

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I sure as hell do not own My Little Pony, so on with the fic.**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Rarity  
**

The beautiful purple haired unicorn known as Rarity finally took her spot on the hot seat while the announcer echoed on.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Come on, you know I don't have all day." Rarity replied to the announcer with a stern voice.

_**Rarity... she enjoys wearing skin tight tank tops that shows her cleavage and tight hot pants.  
**_

"Hehehe... you must be kidding, right?" Rarity chuckled a bit, "Actually, I only prefer the most regal of all clothing. The type where my dresses just sparkle and my jewels just makes the rest of the ponies breathless.

_**Just like the time I found your bejeweled hot pants?  
**_

"There are no such thing." Rarity replied to the announcer, "Besides, I never wear what you call hot pants. Those kinds of clothing are just vulgar to my liking! Trust me!"

_**Rarity... she's actually a porn star from Equestria.  
**_

"Agh, how dare you!" Rarity exclaimed as she felt offended, "I should not do such things! I am not some cheap make-up covering harlot or floozy that degrades herself any further!"

_**Aw, come on Rarity. We all support your porn star career. No harm in that.  
**_

"I told you, I'm not what you call a porn star!" Rarity exclaimed in defense, "I'm a fashionista! I create dresses and create beautiful scenery with my crystals and jewels!"

_**Rarity... she got caught with Shining Armor in bed.  
**_

"Is this something that has to do with me falsely becoming a porn star? Because there's no way I would ever do something so foul and disturbing as that!" Rarity scowled at the announcer as she crossed her hooves.

_**Really? Well then, what's this photo I see here?  
**_

But then, the announcer had posted a photo of Rarity seen on top of Shining Armor in bed with the covers. They were both kissing, both seemed to be naked (mainly because of Shining Armor) and they were both sweaty. Rarity saw this and her anger now started to blow up! However, in Rarity's mind, this was photoshopped.

"This is high treason!" Rarity exclaimed as she shook her hooves in anger, "I don't remember this happening! Besides, you pasted my face over Cadence! Admit it, this is all your doing!"

_**Nope, it's the truth. And it hurts. Just like your pretty little butt was last night.  
**_

"You are nothing but a pervert who makes up foul indecent lies! And I don't even remember what I did last night!" Rarity exclaimed in anger. "I dare you to show yourself this instant, you monster!"

_**Now you know Rarity... who will be starring soon in "My Little Pony: An XXX Parody"!  
**_

"Agh, you will not see me in that disgusting trash any further, you unwashed ruffian!" Rarity shouted angrily before the camera began to back away from her, "And I demand you get back here, this instant! I am no harlot, nor am I a floozy who degrades herself from these indecent acts! I demand to be respected by everybody in Equestria for my beauty and wisdom, not used as a toy for trash and smut! Are you even listening to me right now? Hello?"

* * *

**Ouch, something tells me Rarity won't take that insult very well...**

**Up next will be the big man himself, Big Macintosh! 'Til then, read and review. Eeyup!**


	5. Ch 5: Big McIntosh

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I sure as hell do not own My Little Pony, so on with the fic.**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Big McIntosh  
**

The red pony with a large brown ring around his neck and a green appled cutie mark took the hot seat. It was none other than Applejack's big brother, Big McIntosh.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Eeyup. That's what this show is." Big Macintosh replied with a nod

_**Big McIntosh... He's named after a McDonald's hamburger.  
**_

"Nnope." Big Macintosh chuckled a bit, "Well, actually I don't even know why I was called Big McIntosh. But it sure wasn't after a hamburger, that's for sure. Maybe I'm just the biggest of the Apple family. That's why my sister gave me the nickname.

_**Oh, yeah. I remember your sister. Apple Slices, isn't it?  
**_

"Nnope. Her name is Applejack." Big McIntosh said correcting the announcer, "There's no way she can be named after a McDonald's food item. You don't have any proof."

_**Nope, your sister is named Apple Slices. Look it up.  
**_

"Nnope. I don't have to look it up. I already know it's Applejack, not slices of fruit on a kids meal." Big McIntosh replied, looking a little bit irritated.

_**Big McIntosh... He's a gay icon.  
**_

"Nnope. That is not true. I'm straight as a grain of wheat." Big McIntosh said in defense, "And before you starting any false jibber-jabber at me, I would like to state for the defense that I have not done anything gay."

_**C'Mon, we all know how much you like to pluck stuff. You know, apples, more apples, male stallions...  
**_

"Nnope. I only pluck apples and that's it. You can forget about the gay stuff, because there's no way you're making me gay." Big McIntosh said with a negative shake of his head.

_**Big McIntosh... Hides men's underwear in his bed so that when everyone goes to sleep, he takes them out and sniffs them.  
**_

"Nnope... that is once again false. I'm not gonna take these accusations standing anymore. Look, you still haven't got any proof of me being-" Big Macintosh spoke on before his voice was cut off by falling objects.

Quite frankly, the form of falling objects happened to be a pair of man-thongs. Big McIntosh came out of the pile and became horrified.

"Are these... are these man-thongs?" Big Macintosh said with his eyes just bulging.

_**Yeah. You ol' man-panty-sniffer you. I didn't know you were naughty.  
**_

"Nnope. I'm starting to think you stole them and put them in my bed when I wasn't looking. You're nothing but a thief as far as I'm concerned." Big McIntosh spoke a bit angrily now to the announcer, who decided to finish things from here.

_**Now you know... Big McIntosh, gay horse icon!  
**_

"Nnope you don't." Big McIntosh said, still angry.

_**Eeyup!**_

"And you can't steal what I say." Big McIntosh responded as the announcer and the camera began backing away from him, "Only I may say 'Eeyup' and 'Nnope' and nobody else. And the rest of my family is not named after McDonald's food items especially me, not to mention I am straight, not gay. And about the underwear thing, I'm certain you broke inside Sweet Apple Acres and stuffed underwear in my mattress. You ain't nothing but trouble. Hello?"

* * *

**Well, that oughta hurt for Big McIntosh. His name almost does look similar to a McDonald's Big Mac only if the "Intosh" wasn't added to it.**

**Next up will be my favorite male pony, Shining Armor! Read and review until then, bronies!**


	6. Ch 6: Shining Armor

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I sure as hell do not own My Little Pony, so on with the fic.**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Shining Armor  
**

A white pony with a moderate sapphire blue mane and decked out in a regal red outfit took the hot seat this time. It was perhaps Princess Cadence's husband and hero of Equestria known as Shining Armor.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Thanks for the introduction. Make me feel well at home." Shining Armor nodded to the announcer before he finally went on with the facts.

_**Shining Armor... He owns a Hardees Restaurant.  
**_

"Uh, I really don't think that's what I do." Shining Armor replied a bit cluelessly, "You see I'm actually Captain of the Canterlot Royal Guard and not to mention co-leader of the Crystal Empire."

_**How are the thickburgers around?  
**_

"Why should I know? I never even went to a Hardees in my life!" Shining Armor exclaimed feeling a bit appalled. "Besides, I know how you people love to make meat out of my people! I refuse to own anything that murders my own kind."

_**Shining Armor... he cheated on Princess Cadence.  
**_

"Now what kind of accusation is that supposed to mean to me?" Shining Armor said with his hooves crossed, "For your information, I never have cheated on her once in my life! I'm clean as a whistle.

_**Really, if you said that you never cheated on her, then what's this picture of you and Katy Perry doing here at the Grammy Awards?  
**_

And then all of a sudden, the announcer displayed a picture of Shining Armor and Katy Perry holding hands at the Grammy Awards. He looked at it like he really didn't believe it.

"Come on! You really think you let me believe in something like this?" Shining Armor said as he was still appalled by the fake picture, "I mean, you pasted my whole entire body over Russell Brand. I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart, I would never cheat on her!"

_**Shining Armor... There's someone here to see you. She's on the phone.  
**_

"Give me it. I hope it's my wife. I'll explain to her about everything." Shining Armor replied as the announcer tossed the phone to him and he caught it with his hooves. He then put to his ears. "Honey, you there? Good. Look, if you're watching this, all of them are lies... I'm telling you, all of those photos are fake! You really can't... Oh, come on Cadence! You're really gonna believe these lies? I'm telling you, they're not true! I-"

But then, Shining Armor was cut off by a dial tone. This wasn't very good to be exact.

_**Sooooooooo?  
**_

"She wants a divorce." Shining Armor said with a blank expression. But it soon turned to anger as he spoke up to the announcer. "You caused all of this! This is high treason of you!"

_**Awwww... thanks!**_

"That's not a compliment!" Shining Armor shouted to the announcer as he was still snapping like an angry twig, "I demand you show yourself right now!"

_**Now you know the cheating bastard... Shining Armor!  
**_

"I am not a cheating bastard!" Shining Armor shouted angrily to the announcer who began to back away alongside the camera, "I demand you get back here this instant! I'm gonna let Princess Celestia know about this and she'll have your head for costing me my marriage! I demand for your arrogant execution this instant! Do you hear me? Hello!?"**_  
_**

* * *

**What a bastard the announcer is. Always stirring the pot. And that's how I like it!  
**

**Up next will be our next pony, Twilight Sparkle! Until then bronies, read and review!  
**


	7. Ch 7: Twilight Sparkle

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I sure as hell do not own My Little Pony, so on with the fic.**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Twilight Sparkle  
**

A purple pony with purple, pink and black highlighted mane with a star as her cutie mark made her way down the hot seat. It was none other than the intelligent member of the six main ponies of the show, Twilight Sparkle.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Glad of you to have me here! I hope you'll do me some justice." Twilight Sparkle added with a smile as the announcer went on with the facts.

_**Twilight Sparkle... deh deh derrrrrrrrrr!  
**_

"Um, okay... I really can't understand you..." Twilight said as he was confused of what the announcer was saying, "Basically, I don't know what a 'deh deh derrrrrrr' is, but I'm certain it's not related to me."

_**Twilight Sparkle... duuuuuuuuuuh!  
**_

"All right, what is the matter with you? Are you braindead?" Twilight said with a raised eyebrow, "Are the producers even sure they hired you acting like this? I hate to say this, but you're starting to creep me out with your behavior a bit!"

_**Twilight Sparkle... Da Derp Dee Derp Da Teetley ****Derpee** **Derpee** **Dumb**. Rated PG-13.  
_

"That really didn't make sense! This program is called 'Know Your Mare', not 'The Announcer Acts Like A Tard'!" Twilight Sparkle said right to the announcer, "If you're gonna mak facts about me, at least do it in English!"

_**Twilight Sparkle... she's mentally retarded.  
**_

"I am so not retarded, okay! I actually happen to be smart, thank you very much! I also have a perfect 200 IQ and I know every book written known to man and pony! There can be no possible way I am retarded." Twilight Sparkle replied with a nod, before she finally came to realize about the announcer's behavior earlier in the show, "wait a minute, were your stupid noises indicating that I'm dumb? Cause I'm not!

_**Yeshu are!  
**_

"I am not!" Twilight protested angrily, "Because quite frankly, I like to think you're mentally retarded for having been hired to do this show in the first place! You should be fired because you are a disgrace to announcer's everywhere.

Knowing that the announcer was ignoring everything Twilight was saying, the announcer decided to just end it right here.

"Are you even listening to me?" Twilight said, feeling a little steamed.

_**Now you know... Twilight Sparkle! Uuuuuuuuuuh!  
**_

"I don't think so!" Twilight Sparkle shouted angrily before the camera backed away from her, "Where do you think you're going? Get back here right now so I can teach you a little thing about respect. But you wouldn't know that if it bit you in that dumb brain you call a head, and yet in my mind, you don't even have one! You don't even have a heart at all and yet it's more dumb as you! I hope you heard that! Hello?"_**  
**_

* * *

**Heh, I'm pretty sure Twilight Sparkle didn't take that very well...**

**Up next will be the regal and simplistic Prince Blueblood! Until then, read and review, my bronies!**


	8. Ch 8: Prince Blueblood

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I sure as hell do not own My Little Pony, so on with the fic.**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Prince Blueblood  
**

A light gray pony with an incredibly gorgeous light amber mane and such arctic blue eyes named Prince Blueblood finally took his spot in the hot seat.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Thanks for this wonderful time you have with me. I'm certain you'll make me feel appreciated here." Prince Blueblood smiled right at the announcer as he went on with the facts.

_**Prince Blueblood... is a stupid little douche.  
**_

"Pardon me? I'm certain that I'm not what you call a 'stupid little douche', okay?" Prince Blueblood replied in a snobbish way, "I am such a regal gentleman of the Canterlot kingdom! My name is also an idiom for 'nobility', which means I'm come from noble birth or descent.

_**Prince Blueblood... he's a stupid little douche because he can't get laid.  
**_

"I already told you I'm not a stupid little douche! And what kind of term is 'get laid'? If you mean that I take naps, then yes I do... but that doesn't give you the right to call me a stupid little douche!" Prince Blueblood exclaimed angrily.

_**Do-do-do-do, Do-do-do-do, Do-do-do-do-do-do-doooooo DOOOOOOOUCHE!  
**_

"And how dare you make a mockery out of the charge song to me!" Blueblood lashed out at the announcer, looking a bit pissed off, "I tell you for the first and last time, I am not a stupid douche!"

_**Prince Blueblood... He's actually a nice gentleman...  
**_

"Thank you!" Prince Blueblood exclaimed once again, "At least you finally said something nice about me for once."

_**...who just acts like a stupid little douche who just cant get laid.  
**_

"Okay, that does it! Show yourself so I can give you a trashing you wont soon forget!" Prince BlueBlood shouted out as he stood up on his last two hooves, just threatening the announcer, "I'll show you who's the stupid little douche, which I'm certain is you! Come out here and show yourself!"

_**Now you know the stupid little douche/virgin... Prince Blueblood!  
**_

"You definitely do not know me!" Prince Blueblood said with a angered stomp.

_**Yes, I do!**_

"This certain monstrosity is not true!" Prince Blueblood spoke angrily once again as the camera began backing away from him. "I demand to see the producer right now so that he can fire you to my enjoyment! Just because I look so much more dashing and handsome than you, that doesn't give you the right to call me a stupid little douche! It's you! You, I say? Are you even hearing me? Hello?_**  
**_

* * *

**Wow, I'm certain that Blueblood acts like that in the show, I presume.  
**

**Next pony I'll do next is Miss Cheerilee! Until then, bronies... read and review! WINNING!**


	9. Ch 9: Miss Cheerilee

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I sure as hell do not own My Little Pony, so on with the fic.**

* * *

**Chapter 9: Miss Cheerilee  
**

A pale light grayish rose pony with an moderate cerise coat had now took her spot in the hot seat. It was of course elementary school teacher, Miss Cheerilee.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Well, it's great to be here! Let's get this over with." Miss Cheerilee replied up to the announcer, who began rolling out the facts

_**Miss Cheerilee... She's basically a hot teacher.  
**_

"Um, okay. I'm really sure that is pretty much a rude thing to say about me, but I am attractive nonetheless," Miss Cheerilee replied a bit correctly, "I am also sweet and caring to my students who are also willing to learn to have a higher education."

_**Miss Cheerilee... She also sleeps with her students.  
**_

"What!?" Miss Cheerilee reacted just like if she saw murder in her own eyes, "That is insane! I wouldn't do anything so degrading as to sleep with my own students! You are sick, you know that!"

_**Awwww, thank you. That sure is coming from a hot pedophile teacher like yourself!  
**_

"That was not a compliment! I can't believe you would so perverted to talk about inappropriate things like that! I'm not some kind of sex-crazed pygmy!" Miss Cheerilee said as she snapped at the announcer, "Who in the heck are you exactly?"

_**Miss Cheerilee... She's also a stripper who thinks she's a teacher!  
**_

"Okay, I just had about enough of your sick accusations against me!" Miss Cherrilee replied angrily as she stomped her hooves. "I demand to see your producer right now."

_**I'm afraid he's been a little beat after the lesson you taught him last night. I got a photo of it. Want to see?**_

"What? No I don't want to see! I know how those things go! You're just gonna take a picture of us ponies and just paste them over a degrading body!" Miss Cherrilee replied feeling a bit of frustration in her voice, "You're a sick man! You don't deserve to be on this show after making all those lies about me! I'm serious about this? Where's your producer? For real?"

_**And now you know... Miss Cheerilee!**_

"No, they don't!" Miss Cheerilee cried out in a foul mood.

_**"Yes... they do!  
**_

"I'm telling you that they don't!" Miss Cheerilee replied a bit moodily before the camera started to back away from her. "Where in the heck are you going? You come back here this instant! I'm gonna teach you a lesson, but not in the way you want it to be! I'm gonna make you pay for having everybody to believe I sleep with my students! I'm certain a pedophile like you does it! I'm not gonna take your kind of abuse anymore! Hello?"**_  
_**

* * *

**Geez, I'm certain this sends a message to teachers who have sex with their own students...  
**

**Anyway, next up will be Fluttershy herself! Until then, read, review and whatnot!**


	10. Ch 10: Fluttershy

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. That's all I have to say from here.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Fluttershy  
**

A gold pony with such beautiful cyan eyes and a rose colored mane got in the hot seat this time. This time, it was the pony that represented the element of kindness, Fluttershy.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Please take it easy on me..." Fluttershy spoke in a calm tone to the announcer, who understood every word she said.

_**We'll see. Fluttershy... she's a headhunter.  
**_

"Oh, goodness... I'm certain I'm not comfortable with a job like that.", Fluttershy corrected as she shook her head, "I'm actually a caretaker for the animals. And it's my only priority to see that they keep themselves out of trouble."

_**Fluttershy... she skins animals and wears them as fur coats.  
**_

Hearing this constant lie, Fluttershy responded with a gasp.

"How can you say that! I'd never do anything sick and bizarre such as that!" Fluttershy exclaimed as her eyes started to gleam with tears. "What kind of a monster are you!?"

_**Thanks. I'll take that as a compliment!  
**_

"It wasn't a compliment. You're acting like such a monster!" Fluttershy said, frantically pointing at the announcer. "A monster, I tell you!

_**Thanks once again. Fluttershy... she's charged against crimes of adultery against animals.  
**_

"I am not!" Fluttershy cried a bit. All of these lies she was hearing was making Fluttershy tear up. "All of this isn't true, I swear!"

_**You're such a sick freak, Fluttershy. The animals didn't deserve to be raped.  
**_

"I'm telling you, it's not true! Just leave me alone!" Fluttershy terrifyingly exclaimed as she ducked and lowered her head down, trying to dodge the announcer's very hurtful comments.

_**Sick freak, sick freak. You're just a sick, sick, sick freak, sick freak!  
**_

Unfortunately for the announcer, the tears only made Fluttershy's hooves grip in anger. With every hurtful insult, her teeth gritted hardly and her blood boiled. Fluttershy was about to erupt in beast mode.

_**Sick freak, sick freak. You're just a sick, sick, sick frea-**_

"I'm not a SIIIIIIIIICK FREEEEEEEEEEEAK!" Fluttershy yelled angrily as her scream of rage reached the announcer ears. The sound of her yelling was so close to his ears that his eardrums was shattered in an instant.

_**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My eardrums! My god, they're bleeding!  
**_

"I warned you. But unfortunately, you didn't listen." Fluttershy spoke very sternly to the announcer, knowing that karma was definitely a bitch.**_  
_**

_**You pink-haired bitch! Now the blood's dripping all over the place? Whhhhhhhhhy?!**_

Fluttershy was giggling at the announcer's sudden misfortune. That's why she decided to close things from here.

"Now you know the "Know Your Mare" announcer, the animal-skinning headhunter who makes love to animals. My work here is done." Fluttershy smiled and winked at the hurt announcer.

As she left the studio with her head held high, the announcer was still in excruciating pain.

_**Can anyone help me? Anyone? My ears hurt like a whore! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!**_

* * *

**Well, it's safe to say that the announcer got what he deserved! Nobody should be called a sick freak, especially Fluttershy.**

**Up next will be the strong and powerful Snowflake! Until then, R&R.**


	11. Ch 11: Snowflake

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. That's all I have to say from here.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Snowflake  
**

A white pony with a tough muscular built, a dirty blond mullet and intensive red eyes took his spot in the hot seat. His behavior looked like he took steroids all of a sudden. Quite frankly, it was Snowflake.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"YEAH!" Snowflake exclaimed in glory.

_**Yeah, that's what this show is called. Snowflake... he takes steroids.  
**_

"YEAH!" Snowflake shouted once again. The announcer looked stunned in disbelief.

_**Um... you actually believe you take steroids?**_

"YEAAAAAAAH!" Snowflake hollered happily before the announcer hit his forehead in plain stupidity.

_**You do realize this is Know Your Mare, right? You're supposed to defend what I say to you!**_

"YEAAAAAH!" Snowflake blared out, getting the announcer's message clearly.

_**Good. Let's try again. Snowflake... he's a crack addict!**_

"YEAAAAAH!" Snowflake shouted happily while flexing his muscles.

_**No! No! No! You're supposed to say that you're not a crack addict? Haven't you watched the show in your entire life?**_

"YEAAAAAH!" He shouted once again. The announcer was getting annoyed with his irritating personality, but he decided to remain calm.

_**Good. Now remember, when I insult you, you try to defend yourself. Do we have a deal?**_

"YEAAAAAAAAH!" Snowflake shouted again while he saluted to the announcer.

_**Okay, let's do this right. Snowflake... his pee color is blood!  
**_

"YEAAAAAH!" Snowflake said, pumping his hoof in the air. The announcer had enough of

_**NO, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THAT IS NOT HOW WE AGREED ON! ARE YOU ACTUALLY THAT RETARDED?!**_

Frankly, Snowflake didn't answer one bit. He erupted in stunned silence.

_**YOU'RE ACTUALLY GONNA AGREE WITH WHAT I SAY ABOUT YOU? YOU ARE BY FAR, THE MOST RETARDED PIECE OF HORSECRAP I EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT?!  
**_

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Snowflake screamed in negative response. The announcer was stunned once again. But then, he finally started to whimper and cry, thinking he's already given up on the rage-a-holic pony that was Snowflake.

_**Oh, what the hell... I give up! *sigh* Now that you know Snowflake, I'm f***ing going home! Can somebody get me whiskey and a colt 45 so I can try not to kill myself with it?**_

"YEAAAAAAH!" Snowflake shouted out in victory. But before the announcer left in a sad and angry mood, he told him off for the final time._**  
**_

_**AHHH, F**K OFF!**_

* * *

**Wow... Snowflake really broke the announcer inside. Whatever he did, I love it.  
**

**Next up will be Princess Cadence, so R&R!  
**


	12. Ch 12: Princess Cadence

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. That's all I have to say from here.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 12: Princess Cadence  
**

A grayish cerise pony with a combination of violet, gold and rose-colored hair was next to take the hot seat this time. She happened to be Twilight Sparkle's sister-in-law, Princess Celestia's niece, and the wife of Shining Armor, Princess Cadence.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Nice of you to have me here." Cadence nodded with a smile. But unfortunately, her happiness wasn't gonna last.

_**Princess Cadence... She's in the 4th grade!  
**_

"Uh, I don't really think so." Cadence said with a chuckle, before she started to correct the announcer, "I'm actually a Princess and the wife of my ever-loving husband, Shining Armor. So... yeah."

_**Princess Cadence... She's actually works as a waitress in Hooters.  
**_

"Again... also wrong." Cadence chuckled once again, even though her face was being serious as it was, "I never even been to that place and so far, that's a level of discrimination that I would not want to be part of."

But then, right out of nowhere, Princess Cadence got hit by a white tanktop that was flown at the speed of sound. The hit was so impactful, she fell out of her seat.

When she got up on her hooves, she noticed that the tanktop was all around her with a set of remote-controlled DD breast implants. She looked down at her chest and was shocked and appalled.

"Wha!? What the heck is this?" Princess Cadence said as she felt her own chest. It was almost like if those implants were real.

_**You like? It definitely fits you!**_

"No, I don't like it one bit!" Princess Cadence spoke angrily to the announcer as she was trying to get the shirt and the fake implants off. "Urrgh, come on! Why won't it come off? This is starting to feel like glue here!"

As Cadence was still struggling, the announcer continued on.

_**Princess Cadence... look out.  
**_

"What?" Cadence spoke up to the announcer as she looked to the right and saw what was coming her way.

Unexpectedly, Princess Cadence was sprayed by an ounce of warm water, hitting her like the speed of a fastball and knocking her down again.

When Cadence got back up again, the tanktop shrunk slowly to the fact that it only reached to the 'fake' fake implants. The tanktop was so hydrated that the TV blurred out her fake chest. This time, Cadence's anger was moments away from reaching it's breaking point.

"What? It shrinks?" Cadence said in utter surprise. Feeling offended and shocked, she looked up to the announcer in anger, "Okay, I've had just about enough with your perverted comments any longer! Where in the heck are you, anyway?"

_**Now you know the sexiest pony there ever is... Princess Cadence!  
**_

"Yeah, right! I demand you let somebody get my tanktop and fake implants off!" Princess Cadence shouted to him before the camera decided to back away from her slowly.

_**Nah, you look very slutty like that. This is sure to spike up ratings!  
**_

"Are you calling me a slut? Because I happen to think the real slut is you. You're feeding these people with lies that aren't even true!" Princess Cadence frantically said with her anger still rising. She tried to get the tanktop off, but it was to no avail. It was by far, stuck to her like glue. "And seriously! Get a crowbar or something! Aren't you gonna help me one bit? Hello?"

* * *

**Ha... I'm such an evil genius.  
**

**Next up will be the pony you've been waiting for, Pinkie Pie! It's party time, come next chapter! Until then, R&R!**


	13. Ch 13: Pinkie Pie

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. That's all I have to say from here.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 13: Pinkie Pie  
**

A light, grayish raspberry pony with a brilliant raspberry mane took her spot in the hot seat. She had a knack for annoying the holy hell out of everyone in Ponyville. Not to mention that she also had a knack for partying. The next guest the announcer was tackling now was the ever popular yet crazy-as-bat-shit Pinkie Pie.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"So good to be here! I heard that the announcer's a douche so I'm not supposed to trust everything he says about me. So I'm gonna be on the lookout!" Pinkie exclaimed as she brought out a magnifying glass. The announcer on the other hand, felt a bit disturbed.

_**Ohhhh-kay. Pinkie Pie... She's a pothead!  
**_

"Pothead? If you mean I wear pots for hats, then you're right! I'm a certified pothead!" Pinkie Pie giggled crazily as she brought out a pot to wear in her head. Where the pot came from was a certain mystery. "This is what soldiers wore in the old days!"

_**I didn't mean it like that! And I'm not talking about appliances!  
**_

"Lies, lies, lies yeeeeeah!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed in sing-along form. "Of course you're talking about appliances! That's why a good pot and pan can protect your head from a bullet. Heck, even from a throwing anvil! You want me to demonstrate?"

_**No thanks... I'll pass. Pinkie Pie... she runs a meth lab!  
**_

"Nah, meth's soo five years ago! I mostly stick to cupcakes!" Pinkie Pie replied happily as she brought out a tray of delicious strawberry cupcakes. "I made them with real strawberries and Miller Lite!"

_**Did you actually admit that you take meth?  
**_

"I don't remember saying that. I mean, I was considering taking meth, but when I found out the little meth bust in Fillydelphia, I decided to just stick to cupcakes!" Pinkie said, making the announcer look stupid on impact. She took a cupcake and even tried to hand it to the speechless announcer. "Here, wanna bite? The yeast from that beer makes the strawberries extra spicy!"

_**Um, no thanks, I try to watch what I eat. I'm on a bit of a diet. Anyway, Pinkie Pie... she's open for business, boys! So come on in and get a piece of her!**_

"You got that right! My new cupcake shop is opening for business!" Pinkie exclaimed as a backstage executive rolled in a huge tray of cupcakes. "I got every flavor known to man! I got Orange Creamsicle, Chocolate Chip, Banana Cream Pie, and my new invention, Cream of Broccoli and Grits!"**  
**

**_I didn't mean it like that. I meant that in a sexual term! I'm trying to say that you put out! You're a slut, bimbo, hussy! Why don't you take any of my insults seriously?_**

"Well, if you're gonna act like that, then you get no cupcakes! No cupcakes for you! Hmmph!" Pinkie Pie replied as she wasn't pleased by the announcer's name-calling. She also took the tray of cupcakes and started munching them down.**_  
_**

However, the announcer's stomach started to grumble.

**_Um, are you gonna share those cupcakes with me? I am getting a little hungr-_**

"Flake off, these cupcakes are mine, bitch!" Pinkie Pie spat out at the announcer with her whole mouth full of tasty cupcakes. As Pinkie Pie was about half way from clearing the entire tray, the announcer sighed and decided to end it from here.**_  
_**

**And now you know... Pinkie Pie. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna try not to jump off a cliff...**

As the announcer left the studio looking a bit sad, Pinkie Pie looked at the camera, knowing that the camera was closing up on her cupcakes. Annoyed in a foul mood, Pinkie told the cameraman off.

"What are you staring at? Nobody takes a look at my cupcakes! Only I take a look at my cupcakes and nothing else! I'm a cupcake emperor! Worship the almighty cupcake!" Pinkie Pie shouted in madness as she was shoving a cupcake right into the camera lens over and over again. "You shall do what I say and eat me! That's right! I said... EAAAAAAAT MEEEEEEE!"

* * *

**Uh, wow...? That's kinda disturbing in my taste. Pinkie Pie wouldn't act like that, but her craziness says it all about her character, so I'm not complaining. And I guess the image of a Broccoli/Grits cupcake is a bit disgusting in my taste.  
**

**Anyway, next up will be one half of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Apple Bloom! Until then, R&R!**


	14. Ch 14: Apple Bloom

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. That's all I have to say from here.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 14: Apple Bloom  
**

A pale, light grayish olive pony with an amaranth mane and a big red bowtie sat in the hot seat this time. She was one-fourth of Ponyville's most familiar group, the Cutie Mark Crusaders. It was the highly energetic Apple Bloom. Suffice to say, she looked a bit nervous.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Y-yeah, it's good to be here. But please go easy with me." Apple Bloom pleaded._**  
**_

_**Don't worry, I'll take it very easy on you. Apple Bloom... she's a gang member of the Crips!**_

"Um, I don't think that's right." Apple Bloom said to the announcer as she shook her head, "I'm actually a member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. You know? A group where ponies like me try to get our cutie marks by finding things to do and whatnot? I have something to prove."

_**Who?**_

"The Cutie Mark Crusaders? Ya know...?" Apple Bloom replied as she was trying to correct the announcer, like he didn't believe her.

_**Sorry, never heard of it. Anyway, Apple Bloom... was raised in a family of serial killers!  
**_

"Now wait just a second there! I wasn't raised in a family of serial killer! The rest of my family were born and bred apple farmers!" Apple Bloom cried out a little after hearing that ridiculous lie. "My sis Applejack and my bro Big Mac even make the most delicious apple cider this side of ponyville!"

_**Yeah, made out of the blood from severed women and men.**_

"Now that's just balderdash!" Apple Bloom exclaimed as she crossed her hooves angrily, "Nothing but heebie-jeebie garbage! I'll have you know, our apple cider is the talk of the town!"

_**Blah blah blah, yap yap yap. Apple Bloom... she killed a black man and stuffed him in her closet.**_

"What? I would never do such horrible things such as that! That's insane and wrong!" Apple Bloom said as she felt a shock go through her heart, "I'm pure and innocent just like my sis!"_**  
**_

_**It's okay to be a pure and innocent when you're a murdering racist, Apple Bloom!  
**_

"Stop these lies right now! I'm certain you would do something like this, but I don't!" Apple Bloom spoke in an angry tone to the announcer before looking right at the camera, "Guys, whatever you do, don't believe whatever he says, I'm tellin' ya!"_**  
**_

_**They won't believe anything you say. You're going up the river, Apple Bloom!**_

"No, that would be you! You're nothing but heartless! You're like Diamond Tiara but you're more bitchier!" Apple Bloom shouted at the announcer, "I demand you come out here and take your lumps like a coward, Cutie Mark-style!"_**  
**_

_**Now you know the murdering racist... Apple Bloom!  
**_

"Wha? No, ya don't!" Apple Bloom snapped._**  
**_

_**Yes, they do! Oh, and be careful walking outside. The police are waiting for you.**_

"I'm telling ya! I didn't murder anybody! I swear, I'm innocent!" Apple Bloom exclaimed as the camera backed away from her. "To tell ya the truth, I like people and ponies, no matter if they're black, white, green or any kind of color! I don't even have a dab of blood on my hands even though it was only ketchup! I'm serious, it was only ketchup! I was eating some fries this morning and then I came to the studio! Are you listening to me? Hello...?"

* * *

**This was my weakest chapter, I think... but I like to think I tried though. What are your opinions about this?  
**

**Next up will be another member of the CMC, Scootaloo! R&R!**


	15. Ch 15: Scootaloo

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. That's all I have to say from here.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 15: Scootaloo  
**

A light brilliant gamboge pony with a clear, yet moderate cerise took the hot seat. Like Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Babs Seed, she was a member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. A fan of the weather pony known as Rainbow Dash, she was also labeled as an energetic tomboy. She was none other than Scootaloo, who looked a little nervous to be exact.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Is somebody there?" Apple Bloom said with a shaken expression, "Are you a stalker?"_**  
**_

_**No, I'm not. Scootaloo... she's a lesbian.  
**_

"Uh, that can't possibly be true. I'm not a lesbian." Scootaloo chuckled a bit.

_**Really? Because your haircut says it all.  
**_

"I like my hair like this. Just because my hair is short, that doesn't give you the right to call me a lesbian! Have a heart, will ya?" Scootaloo spoke to him like she was pleading on her knees.

_**Scootaloo... she's charged with child pornography.  
**_

"Wait a minute! I would never do something so sick like that! That's horrible and against the law!" Scootaloo cried out in total shock.

_**I got the pictures to prove it.  
**_

In the most disturbing fashion, the announcer posted little ponies being strapped and bounded in bed. And even some ponies her age were even handcuffed to the bed.

The most shocking thing about this was that Sweetie Belle and Applebloom were in the photos.

"That's not right! You shouldn't be doing that to my friends! I don't even remember doing such sick things like that!" Scootaloo cried out once again, trying to turn her ears off from the announcer's hurtful comments.

_**I'm sure that turns ya on, doesn't it, Scootaloo?**_

"No, it doesn't! I'm only a filly! You're nothing but a sick freak!" Scootaloo pointed.

_**Thanks. That made my day. Scootaloo... She won Lesbian of the Year.  
**_

"I did not! I already told you I'm not a lesbian! Quit making up those lies!" Scootaloo shot back with a tone of anger in her voice._**  
**_

_**Why? You're popular in most lesbian groups in all of America and Equestria.  
**_

"We don't have people like that in Equestria! You're just making nonsense!" Scootaloo countered at the evil-hearted announcer, "I'm certain you're behind this child pornography thing. Blaming the whole thing on me is crossing the line, buddy!"_**  
**_

_**Now you know the youngest lesbian/child pornographer... Scootaloo!  
**_

"No they don't! I don't even remember doing anything like this!" Scootaloo shouted angrily to the announcer.

But just like a cowardly chicken, the announcer decided to walk away from this interview.

"I'm certain you would take my friends as hostage and strap them to your beds. I'm gonna find Princess Celestia about this and she's gonna make you pay!" Scootaloo replied while stomping his hoof angrily, "And don't think you can hide, because the Cutie Mark Crusaders will hunt you down! Count on that!"_**  
**_

* * *

**Remember everyone, Child Pornography is illegal in the U.S. and all around the state. Learn right from wrong everyone.  
**

**Next up will be another member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Sweetie Belle! Until then, R&R.**

**Next up will be another member of the CMC, Scootaloo! R&R!**


	16. Ch 16: Sweetie Belle

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. That's all I have to say from here. I also forgot to say that I do not own the All That show or the "Know Your Stars" sketch.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 16: Sweetie Belle  
**

A light gray pony with a grayish mulberry (alongside light grayish rose streaks) took her spot in the hot seat. She's perhaps the youngest member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders and the sister of Rarity. It happened to be Sweetie Belle, who was looking care-free from the announcer's stand-point.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Thanks for the treatment. I really deserve being here." Sweetie Belle spoke in the most confident way._**  
**_

_**Sweetie Belle... she's the sister of Applejack.  
**_

"Well... that's a bit wrong." Sweetie Belle chuckled a bit before she corrected the announcer, "You see, I'm actually the sister of Rarity, and not to mention that I'm a master baker. I do cakes, cookies, brownies, all that stuff. Because if I actually was the sister of Applejack, which I'm not, I would talk funny and have a strange fascination with Apples. But I'm not like that, so... no."

_**Sweetie Belle... took first prize in the Natural Pot-Growing Competition.  
**_

"I really don't think so." Sweetie Belle replied back, feeling a little dumbfounded of what the announcer said about her, "I'm certain that I'm not even old enough to try drugs. Luckily, I remain pure and care-free thanks to my sister. And to the Cutie Mark Crusaders."

_**But Sweetie Belle, your pot is the talk of the town! It's much better than the crap you bake.**_

"My baking is not like that!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed while shaking her hoof at him, "I'll have you know that the rest of my schoolmates, including Miss Cheerilee, liked my brownies, even though it was burnt a little bit on the side. It's a mixture of charred cherries and chocolate! And there's no actual proof of me making pot!"

_**Sweetie Belle... broke the record for being the youngest pothead in all of Equestria.  
**_

"Okay, now I definitely know it isn't true!" Sweetie Belle said with an angry stomp of her hoof. She finally grew tired of his remarks for one day.

The announcer on the other hand, brought down a string with a doobie attached to it.

_**Care for a smoke, Sweetie Belle?**_

Hearing this from the announcer, Sweetie Belle punched the object far off-screen.

"Get that thing away from me! I told you I don't smoke, nor do I have anything to do with pot!" She hollered crazily before looking straight to the camera, "Everyone, if you're watching... don't believe anything this guy says! All of the things he says are lies!"

_**Now you know... Sweetie Belle!  
**_

"No, you definitely do not know me." Sweetie Belle spoke back while crossing her hooves.

_**I definitely do...**_

"No, you don't know me! I'm not a pothead! I'm clean as a pony's buttock!" Sweetie Belle cried out a bit angrily, before the camera backed away from her, "And where do you think you're going? You're not finished with me! I promise you, the Cutie Mark Crusaders will hunt you down for those remarks you made about us. I still want payback from you when you kidnapped me and strapped me on that bed! You may think I forgot that, but I didn't! Are you even listening to what I say? Hello?"_  
_

* * *

**I do apologize if I made Sweetie Belle's baking part a bit OOC. I have watched the show before, indicating that Sweetie Belle is a horrible baker at best. But basically, the burnt brownie part oughta make up for that little mistake. Just in case if I had any to begin with.  
**

**Next up on my hit list is Princess Celestia! Until then, R&R!**


	17. Ch 17: Princess Celestia

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. That's all I have to say from here. I also forgot to say that I do not own the All That show or the "Know Your Stars" sketch.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 17: Princess Celestia  
**

An alicorn with a combination of light cerulean, light turquoise, light cobalt blue, pale heliotrope-colored mane sat down in the hot seat this time. Alongside her younger sister Princess Luna, she acts as the co-ruler of Equestria. She went by the name of Princess Celestia.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Well, it's good to be here. I really do appreciate that." Princess Celestia nodded as the announcer went on the verbal attack._**  
**_

_**Princess Celestia... is the younger sister of Princess Cadence.  
**_

"Well, you're very wrong." Celestia responded while she was correcting him, "Princess Cadence is actually my niece. And I actually do have a sister, her name is Princess Luna. Not to mention that she's my younger sister."

_**So, you have two sisters?  
**_

"No, I don't. Although I do love Princess Cadence like a sister. But not in that way." Celestia spoke in a very careful tone.

_**Princess Celestia... raped her sister sexually.  
**_

"That is not true. I would never do anything harsh or violently to any of my family, including my sister. Anything you say about me will never affect me in anyway whatsoever." Celestia said while crossing her hooves.

_**Really? Even if you're offended by something like this?  
**_

Being the evil announcer that he was, he let out a picture of Celestia's younger sister Luna being bent over on all fours and being gagged.

Celestia saw her face being pasted over a porn star covered in light fuchsiaish gray and wore a sex toy around her waist. It was too dirty to explain and it was censoring the entire screen. It was another one of his photoshop tricks.

"Is that my sister?" Princess Celestia said with her tone of voice acting suspicious, "You photoshopped me getting my sister from behind? I'm certain you hired some degrading woman to kidnap my sister."

_**Well, you see I...  
**_

Not even telling her, the announcer decided to move on with the facts like the total coward that he was.

_**Princess Celestia-  
**_

But before he can move to another lie, Celestia cut him off.

"No, you already told enough lies." Princess Celestia marched, "Where are you, anyway. I will not let you get away with this."

_**That's none of your concern.**_

"But you should be concerned." Celestia frantically said with anger, "I'm calling the rest of my royal guards and they will have you for execution. I'm not gonna let you rot the minds of every pony watching this."

_**And now you know the co-leader of Equestria and sister raper... Princess Celestia.  
**_

"No, you don't! You've gone way too far!"

_**Yes, I do. Even the incest sex tape is selling! You're gonna be famous like your sister Princess Cadence!**_

"Princess Cadence is my niece! I already told you that!" Celestia stomped her hoof madly, before the announcer walked away, "And where in the heck did you get the sex tape? Did you set up a camera somewhere so that nobody wouldn't see it? You are a sick individual, you know that. And there is no excuse for kidnapping my sister and bounding her! I know that this is your undoing, and I won't have you hurting the people I love! Hello?"_  
_

* * *

**Wow, the announcer went too far there. I don't know why, but I like it.  
**

**Next up will be one of the new ponies of Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer! Until then, R&R bronies.**


	18. Ch 18: Sunset Shimmer

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. That's all I have to say from here. I also forgot to say that I do not own the All That show or the "Know Your Stars" sketch.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 18: Sunset Shimmer  
**

A unicorn with a a vivid crimson and brilliant yellow mane took her turn in the hot seat. She was very cruel, dishonest, arrogant, selfish and would stop at nothing to get what she wanted including getting Twilight Sparkle's element of magic crown. She went by the name of Sunset Shimmer, but she was in her human form

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"C'mon, get on with it. I'm not getting any older." Sunset Shimmer smirked before the announcer struck down on her._**  
**_

_**Sunset Shimmer... is a ****filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal, bottom-feeding trash bag ho!**_

Hearing this from the announcer, Sunset Shimmer let out an offended gasp.

"How dare you call me that! I am not filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal bottom-feeding trash bag ho!" Sunset exclaimed while she gritted her teeth.

_**Well, knowing what your human form did to try and humiliate Twilight Sparkle, it definitely shows. And besides, I do the humiliating.**_

"Well, I'll have you know that I was voted Canterlot High's Princess of the Fall Formal three times in a row!" Sunset said while she stood her ground, "I rather be called that other than that little nickname you gave me!"

_**Sunset Shimmer... she had sex to get that leather jacket!  
**_

"Excuse me?" Sunset shouted in distraught, "I'll have you know that I paid for this jacket with my own money! I definitely didn't sell my body for it in anyway possible!"

_**Liiiiiiiiiiar!  
**_

"I actually did!" Sunset exclaimed, while she stomped her boot fiercely.

_**Sunset Shimmer... For a good time with her, call 1-800-SEX-MEUP!  
**_

"Oh no..." Sunset Shimmer replied while shaking her head, "There is no way I'm gonna be treated like a tasteless whore! You hear me, there's is exactly no way-"

Sunset Shimmer didn't finish that last sentence. Instead...

The announcer took a t-shirt cannon and hit Sunset Shimmer with a ball of condom wrappers!

"OW! Why did you do that?" Sunset said while she tended to her ribs in pain.

_**Why do you keep a big ball of used condoms inside your locker? That is how you got your leather jacket, right?  
**_

"I'm telling you that I paid for this with my own money!" Sunset Shimmer cried out angrily, "And how in the heck did you even get in my locker? Are you even listening to me?"

_**Now you know the ****filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal, bottom-feeding trash bag ho... Sunset Shimmer!**_

"I don't think so!" Sunset Shimmer exclaimed before the camera backed off from her quickly, "Where in the heck do you think you're going? We are not done here! You still haven't told me why you broke in my locker and stuffed a big ball of wrapped condoms inside! I'm telling you, I paid for this jacket! Heck, I'll even show you the receipt if I have to! I'm Canterlot High's Princess of the Fall Formal, and I will not be treated like this! HELLO?"

* * *

**Well, knowing that the way Sunset Shimmer acts, I say she's definitely like that in the movie. And yes, that little nickname the announcer had for her was a Chris Jericho reference. So what if I'm a wrestling fan, I like it?  
**

**I know it was a little too rushed, but I dig it.**

**Anyway, up next is Princess Luna! R&R, bronies!**


	19. Ch 19: Princess Luna

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. That's all I have to say from here. I also forgot to say that I do not own the All That show or the "Know Your Stars" sketch.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 19: Princess Luna  
**

An alicorn with a mane mixed of a combination of moderate cobalt blue and light azure, sat down in the hot seat. With her nocturnal appearance, she was the sister of Princess Celestia and the co-ruler of Equestria. She was the mysterious Princess Luna.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Well, it's nice to be here. Let's get started shall we?" Princess Luna smiled. Unfortunately, she wasn't gonna smile any longer._**  
**_

_**Princess Luna... she's the official leader of E.M.U., the Equestria Marijuana Union.**_

"Um, I'm not sure you got my title right..." Luna said with a hint of confusion, "You see, I'm actually the co-ruler of Equestria with my sister, Celestia. And I don't associate with any drugs and whatnot, so... no."_  
_

_**Princess Luna... are you suuuuuuuure?**_

"Yes, I'm sure!" Luna exclaimed, defending her ground, "I never had a single drug touch through my lips. Ever."

Then suddenly, out of nowhere...

...

...a huge puff of cigarette smoke blew all across the body of Luna. She ended up coughing like holy hell.

"Ack! What the... heck did you... do to me?" Princess Luna said while choking.

_**You gotta apologize... my crew's been messing around with your pot. I'll have it stopped in a minute!**_

"That's impossible! I'm already telling you that I don't have anything to do with drugs!" Luna complained, "Besides, I'm very certain that's your pot and not mine!"

_**Princess Luna... got arrested by giving smokes to a minor!  
**_

"Okay, now you've gone way off the line! I already told you that I don't smoke, or do drugs, or give out anything to fillies of my kind!" Luna cried out, "I'm getting my sister out here and she's gonna order for your arrest! You will pay dearly!"

But before Princess Luna can get off her chair, the announcer once again blew a huge puff of cigarette smoke into the face of Celestia's younger sister.

This time, Luna was choking and hacking loudly.

"ACK! YOU... NO GOOD... PIECE OF... RUBBISH!" Luna heckled sluggishly.

_**Now you know the drug peddler, Princess Luna!**_

"I already told you... I'M... THE CO-RULER... OF EQUESTRIA! NOT... SOME KIND OF... DRUG WHORE!" Luna screamed loudly before her choking and hacking from the cigarette smoke forced her to nearly pass out. While the camera backed away from her, the announcer decided to laugh at Luna's nearly unconscious body.

_**Hehehehehehe... HAHAHAHAHAHA! What a doper!**_

"You... won't get away with this! Instead, if I happen... to get up... and I will... I shall... order for your... execution!" Luna choked once again.

And as she finally fell to the floor half-dead, the segment finally ended.

* * *

**I don't know, but that was definitely my weakest chapter that I could recall. All apologies to everyone if I happened to make Luna a bit OOC in this chapter.**

**Next up will be Diamond Tiara, and I promise everyone that it'll be interesting. Until then, later!**


	20. Ch 20: Diamond Tiara

**"Know Your Mare"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. That's all I have to say from here. I also forgot to say that I do not own the All That show or the "Know Your Stars" sketch.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 20: Diamond Tiara  
**

A school-age earth pony with a pale light grayish violet mane and a pale magenta coat sat right in the imfamous hot seat. Hence her name, she had a Diamond Tiara on top of her forehead. Not to forget, that she had a reputation for being a so-called Queen Bee of Ponyville.

_**Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...**_

"Duh, that's what this show's called. Just go on with the facts already." Diamond Tiara said in an impatient manner._**  
**_

_**Diamond Tiara... she's a member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.  
**_

"What? No, I'm not!" Tiara yelped, "I hate those Cutie Mark Clutzes! They talk about love, friendship, all this jibber jabber. The only thing I care about is being popular and getting all the money in the world! That's what my kind of love is!"_  
_

_**Diamond Tiara... when she grows up, she wants to become a slut!  
**_

"EW!" Tiara screamed while cringing, "Why in the heck do I wanna do something so gross. I want to become interested in something like fashion or perhaps cosmetics! Heck, maybe a movie star while I'm at it, but there's no way I wanna be a slut when I grow up."

_**By the way you act, you're definitely like a slut.**_

"Well... that doesn't mean that you should call me one!" Diamond snapped, "I'm innocent and whole, hands down!"

_**Diamond Tiara... she got every classmate at her school infected with Gonorrhea, Chlamydia and the clap!**_

"Triple EW!" Tiara shrieked in fear, "Are you that disgusting? I sure as heck would never do anything like that! I'm clean like my father!"_  
_

_**C'Mon, a slut like you knows that it's not bad. I heard having gonorrhea can make you rich! It's an ounce of luck!  
**_

"And so far, pigs are flying out of my butt!" Tiara responded sarcastically, "But there is no way I'm gonna die a broke pony carrying a disease inside of me! I'm certain by the way you throw your lies around me, you would! Hello?"

_**Now you know the future slut/Cutie Mark Crusader member... Diamond Tiara!**_

"You definitely don't know me!" shouted out Tiara, "And I'm a not a slut nor am I one of those Cutie Mark freaks!"

_**Yes, you are!**_

"I don't think so!" Diamond shouted out to the announcer, who backed away like a cowardly chicken, "And where do you think you're going? We're not done yet! I'm calling my father about you! You're nothing but a disease-carrying creep, and I refuse to be seen by the likes of you! No matter what you say, I'm still gonna be the sweet, innocent pony that everyone sees! Hello?"

* * *

**Sorry for the lack of hilarity, but at least the announcer's words would say it all. So I guess it's hilarious enough for me in big, bold letters.  
**

**Next up will be Babs Seed. What kind of torture will I unleash on her? Find out!**


End file.
